Monday, December 31, 2012

Fuck Resolutions

But actually. I do have goals for the New Year but I think calling them Resolutions is risky. Most people go into their resolutions really intensely on January 1, but by January 10, apparently most of them drop out. I'm going to approach these goals slow and steady. I'm not going to go to the gym and exercise like crazy just because I want to make a habit of going to the gym regularly. in fact, I might post-pone that one because I'm a little afraid of how many people made New Years resolutions to go to the gym more.

All  I can say is that I really really really want running shoes already. I'm starting to get a little stir crazy! Believe me, the elliptical is a completely different experience from running outside, by the beach or on the wood chips.

Anyway, here's all the stuff that I want to accomplish or will accomplish in 2013 (which will be going on a page eventually):

1. lose 10 pounds
2. lose 20 pounds
3. lose 30 pounds
4. lose 40 pounds
5. clean my room
6. meet my German penpal
7. run 10 miles
8. get my splits
9. exercise every morning, even if its just stretching
10. complete the ABC diet
11. do a hot yoga class
12. go on a date
13. blog more regularly
14. learn how to make silver prints
15. read some really kick ass books 
16. fit back into my size 0 jeans 
17. trying to be less messy (I'm known as "the organized mess" or "pigpen") 
18. take a class at the gym
19. go to prom
20. drink a green juice
21. get a job somewhere
22. do my makeup and hair somewhat regularly
23. start wearing jewelry again
24. make some friends outside of my high school

Skinny Me (100-110lbs)

Day 0

I want my day one to be on New Year's Day so I'm doing a Day 0 post with pics and measurements!

Today I'm out with family and they know I've got an eating problem so I will likely be eating somewhere between 1000-1800 calories today. Just glad that I've got tomorrow to kick things off with ABC. I'll obviously have to start thinking of excuses to avoid people now though. 

Weight: 133. 5
Calves: 13
Wrist: 5.5
Bicep: 9.5
Thigh: 22.5
Hips: 36
Waist: 28

My legs are so bulky from running a lot. My thighs are already huge and running just makes the muscle bulk up. My body type is also pretty straight. I wish I had a tiny waist and a cuter belly button. Is that weird? Yes, that is weird. 

Anyway, hope you all have a good day, wishing you the best of luck!

Sunday, December 30, 2012


Restarting the ABC diet today.

Going to blog about every day.

Not letting myself down. Not letting anyone else down. Fuck yeah.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

My New Weight loss diary

After a bad week, I am still determined. I'm officially back on track again. My family went on vacation and I officially lost control. It's officially back to disordered eating, feast or famine. Which really sucks because getting back to "normal" is getting farther and farther from my reach. Whatever. I'm back on track and losing weight again.

I made a notebook with all sorts of things to help me stay on track: logs, countdowns, lists. So here are some pages from it! Maybe it will inspire you to make your own :)

Friday, December 21, 2012


"While beating up on yesterday, I was on my rollerblades/ Rolling on moving on" 

Decided to take a few days off. My weight has probably gone up but I decided that it will be healthier for me just to enjoy holiday foods and a few normal days. I've broken 130, so I decided to be grateful for that small victory and enjoy food this ENTIRE week (some days I did poorly, but other days,like today, I ate just the right amount.) so I don't fall into a binge-fast cycle, which was beginning to happen. The binges were BAD, then I'd starve like crazy and exercise and all this awful shit. So I grin and bear the fact that I've gained a chunk of weight back, then feel more motivated to attack the rest of the ABC diet.  

Hopefully I get to buy a new pair of lunarglides this weekend. My shoes are so dead right now it's a joke. I barely made it through today's run. I actually had to walk a mile back to school because my ankle could not take it any more. I did the mile trial today (after my class' holiday party). It was hell, but I ran 7:15, which is pretty good. 

Anyway, I'm hoping to get down to 120 by the end of December. I think its possible. We'll see how it goes. I'll keep y'all posted : )

Sunday, December 16, 2012

The Hobbit

I saw the Hobbit premier in the wee hours of Friday morning. It was great. It wasn't completely true to the book, but that didn't detract from my enjoyment of the movie. People haven't liked the extra tidbits added to the movie but I just thought they were so fun and unpredictable so I just enjoyed myself. I'm not super super intense about the movies being exactly like the books, you know? Anyway, if you've been wanting to or wondering about seeing the hobbit, it is a great time.

Friday was a bit of a disaster for me. I went to buy Xmas gifts with a friend and then went to a sleepover and most definitely ate over 3000 calories that day. It's not enough to gain a full pound but I still felt so awful the next day and it really messed with my head. And it didn't really help that I failed a calculus exam and that I've got a quiz and exam next week. And that I somehow have to read 25 chapters of Huck Finn, memorize vocab, study for an AP Bio test, and finish my application for Poetry Out Loud. At least that will keep me busy and pleasantly distracted...

The gym is also closed which really really sucks. I suppose the bright side of the situation is that I've got my period this week and I won't feel like working out and (because the gym is closed) I can feel vindicated about it. I've also got so much work that I suppose it's rather convenient that the gym isn't open and running to distract me.

My weight is also up due to water bloat which is no fun.

I've fasted the entire weekend thus far and I am planning only 40 calories for Monday. That should help. I'm quite happy that I've stuck with ABC 6/7 days last week. Hopefully I can pull through this week even though my hormones are going to be nuts. Then it will be winter break and I can do anything I want!

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Got my groove back

It was hard to stay on track in New England, and a little rough to get back on the wagon but I'm proud to say that I'm back baby! And I'm 124 pounds! Which is 10 pounds down from my SW almost 3 weeks ago. Although its not as much as it could have been if I was home, it's progress!

My routine has been as such:
6:20-6:40 am: wake up
After I wake up, I prepare a mug of Yerba Mate and my metabolism drink, which is 1T of ACV, a sprinkle of cayenne pepper, and a sprinkle of cinnamon mixed with 8oz of water and orange mio. Then, I usually try to finish some homework.
7:15-7:20: I usually start getting dressed/getting ready to leave
7:40: I leave

I do cross country after school (which has been challenging while doing the ABC diet) and, if I have the energy, I will stop at the gym on my way home and do 30 minutes of stairs, 30-60 minutes on the elliptical, and abs. This is also good for burning calories after a binge and it takes up so much time that I can tell my mom I went to the library, had dinner, then did 10 minutes on the treadmill and its totally believable---so I can get out of dinner. Then, I'll stop at the grocery and buy monster, powerade or any diet drink that is on sale to enjoy that evening, and/or shirataki noodles or tofu for my dinner.

So yeah, those are my weekdays. Right now I'm reviewing for a history exam. The makeup work this week was rough but it definitely kept me occupied throughout the day, which is good.

Saturday, December 8, 2012

back again for ABC week 3

Last week was nuts. It would be nuts for anyone with an ED or a control issue. It was just my dad and me on a crazy college trip. Basically, we would see a college in the morning and by the time we had finished the tour and walking around campus and getting lunch, we would have to drive. I got sick on day 2, the navigator gave out on day 3 and it was a surprisingly fun nightmare at the time. We didn't see a load of schools, but I got to see: Amherst, Yale, Harvard, Mt. Holyoke, NYU, Columbia, and Tufts. If you're curious about any of those colleges or some others that I've previously visited (Brown, UCBerkeley, USC, UCLA), please leave me a message because I'd love to talk colleges! I've also taken my SAT and did pretty well, so if you're curious about test prep, I think I have some valuable information.

 But it was hard to control my eating. There was no way for me to get out of meals because my dad was around me 24/7 and, except for a few occasions, I couldn't get away with much. Then I was sick and feeling blah so that led to binges and I binged (like bulimia status binging, not like 600 calories status binging) when I got back because I had so much homework and stress and just needed a boost and didn't think to have tea blahblah excuses. Regardless, one thing that I have learned from "recovery" is that the past doesn't matter and the present decisions do, so it's not worth it for me to get anxious over what I've screwed up yesterday or the day before, and to focus on doing the best that I can right now. It's pretty powerful stuff.

On my plate today is a lot of makeup work, so I should probably be getting on that but I figured I'd check in here first. I'm planning on doing video diaries in the days to come, so get excited I suppose.

Much love & best of luck to everyone <3

lots of felice fawn in this one